1 Ophelia: So what’s really going on, then?
2 Shakespeare: All right, the truth. Mercutio invented a time machine and we’ve actually gone back to 1536 England.
3 Shakespeare: We wanted to see the real Robert Pakington M.P. get murdered as the basis for the episode, but I accidentally shot and killed my own grandfather.
4 Ophelia: This is ridiculous! How many times have I had to tell you not to write yourself in as a character?!

I, of course, would never insert myself into any fiction that I write.