1 {scene: the picket line of Deaths}
1 Head Death: {walking along the line, stopping at Fireballs} My my... Quite the little show of support you have going on here, Fate Worse Than Death...
2 Death of Insanely Overpowered Fireballs: That's right. Until our demands are met, nobody's souls are getting collected!
3 Head Death: That's what you think! I'm hiring a bunch of guys to do the reaping while you're all here standing around!
4 Death of Insanely Overpowered Fireballs: You... you're hiring scabs?!
4 Head Death: Lesions, actually. The Plagues haven't had much to do in the past century or so.

Finally, here is the result of the caption contest announced back at #849. This winning entry was submitted by Bobcat. Congratulations!

[Edit: It seems this one is a bit tricky for non-native English speakers to get - sorry about that. The common definition of a scab is the crust over a wound. Colloquially, though, a scab is a strike-breaker - someone who defies a picket line and goes to work for the employer.]

There were entries from 74 people, some of whom submitted a few different scripts, so I had over 80 to choose from. In the end it was quite difficult and I really dithered between this one and the following entry from Lee Butler:

Head Death: You don't really think this is going to work do you? There aren't enough of you to make a difference.
Fate Worse Than Death: You'd be surprised, there are hundreds and thousands of our comrades joining us.
Head Death: A single Death is a tragedy; a million Deaths is a statistic.
Fate Worse Than Death: I thought you'd come to sort this out, but you're obviously just stallin'.

For this impeccably presented Joseph Stalin pun, Lee wins the runner-up prize. (Which is nothing, just like the first prize!) Both these entries could easily have been the winner on sheer funniness, but I chose Bobcat's script over this because it led more naturally into the direction I plan to take this story arc.

And rounding out my top ten picks (yes, you get ten gags today!), in no particular order:

Steven Mock:
Head Death: You've really gone and done it this time.
Fate Worse Than Death: I don't think you can push us around any more.
Head Death: That's the problem, you didn't think about what happens when I have to pay you bone heads!
Fate Worse Than Death: Ooooh... Noooo, not that!
Head Death: Yes, Fate Worse Than Death, you're going to have to pay Taxes!

Michael Peterman:
Head Death: Enough of this, Fate Worse than Death. Get back to work!
Fate Worse Than Death: We're not backing down! It's going to come down to whoever blinks first.
[Silent panel]
[Slient panel. Zoom in tighter on the faces]
Head Death: This could take a while, you know.
Fate Worse Than Death: Especially since we don't have eyelids.

Juha Pitkänen:
Head Death: So you're on strike?
Fate Worse Than Death: Yes. Until our demands are met.
Head Death: That will never happen! Now get back to work, all of you! Or else...
Fate Worse Than Death: Or else what? We're already dead.
Head Death: There are fates worse than death!
Fate Worse Than Death: Are you forgetting my current assignment?

Darkman:
Head Death: You do realise you're violating your existential contract?
Fate Worse Than Death: What contract?
Head Death: [words in teeny-tiny "small print" font] "Upon reception of aforementioned requested compensation the undersigned (heretoafter referred to as "the cursed") shall be issued: uniform, imortality, and bleach. At such time the cursed shall for eternity provide "reaping services" at the sole discretion of the supervisory council."
Fate Worse Than Death: I don't remember signing that. Why would I do something so moronic?
Head Death: Two words: Banana Split.
Fate Worse Than Death: Oh...
Head Death: It could be worse. Choking On A Giant Frog over there settled for a scoop of vanilla.

Chris Cunningham:
Head Death: Well, Fate Worse Than Death, I have decided to give everyone a salary and to compromise on your job request.
Fate Worse Than Death: What are your conditions?
Head Death: All the Deaths only get paid when you properly complete an assignment.
Fate Worse Than Death: That doesn't seem so bad. And my job?
Head Death: I have decided to give you a promotion!
Fate Worse Than Death: Great! I accept!
Head Death: Good! You are now Death By An Insanely Overpowered Fireball While Being Sat On By A 900 Year Old Giant Frog That Died Of Natural Causes.
Fate Worse Than Death: Wait... Noooooo!!!
Head Death: It seems your impatience has undone you again, Fireballs.

Adrian:
Head Death: What do you hope to achieve here?
Fate Worse Than Death: We hope to get wages, of course, and we refuse to work if we don't.
Head Death: And what would you spend these wages on, exactly?
Fate Worse Than Death: Well, we've been thinking of having a kind of stall, where we all sell different things, maybe have some rides.
Head Death: Bah! At best you'd be selling old bones. And dead souls don't want rides. It'd be terrible.
Fate Worse Than Death: Hmm, now that you mention it, it would be pretty bad...
Fate Worse Than Death: Yes... I think it would be a Fete Worse Than Death.

Jericho Brown:
Head Death: The souls in need of reaping are piling up! This strike is causing chaos, it must end!
Fate Worse Than Death: We refuse.
Head Death: This strike will end now!
Fate Worse Than Death: Not until our demands are met!
Head Death: Why are you doing this?
Fate Worse Than Death: It's my job.
Head Death: What?!
Fate Worse Than Death: Eternal labour negotiations is a Fate Worse Than Death!

John Kelly:
Head Death: Fate Worse Than Death, what is it you're trying to accomplish here?
Fate Worse Than Death: We only want what's due to us! Fair wages for our labours!
Head Death: Fair wages? You're an incarnation of a metaphysical concept! What do you need money for?
Fate Worse Than Death: Well, we spent about fifty bucks on these signs...

Thanks to everyone who entered! There were also a few good individual lines and ideas that I've tucked away for possible use later on.