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<   No. 14   2003-02-03   >

Comic #14

1 Terry: Steve! Are you okay?
2 Steve: Yeah, she's apples Terry. It's only a spider and a scorpion and a killer taipan.
3 Steve: AARRGH!! Get it off! Get it off!
3 Terry: What is it? The scorpion or the spider?
4 Steve: Nah, this bloody parrot's biting my finger!

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2011-11-15 Rerun commentary: Look, seriously, despite the persistently strong reputation amongst people overseas, Australian wildlife is not really that dangerous. If you come to visit Australia, you are not likely to meet anything more dangerous than a dodgy kebab.

Evidence: I've lived here all my life, and I haven't been killed by an animal yet.

I've never been bitten by a snake*.

I've never been bitten by a spider**.

I've never been stung by a scorpion***.

I have, however been bitten by a parrot. Several times. And let me tell, you, that hurts. But it won't kill you! So what are you waiting for? Visit our lovely country!

* One time when I was about 6 years old I was playing in the back yard at my grandparents' place, with their pet German Shepherd. His name was Fritz, and he was a great dog. Except that this time, to the alarm of my onlooking grandfather, Fritz suddenly began growling and acting aggressively around me. My grandfather intervened and grabbed me away, then turned to have a stern word with Fritz, only to find the dog lying on the ground. Next to Fritz, right where I had been playing, was a dead brown snake. Fritz had intercepted the snake and killed it, taking a bite in the process. He recovered, possibly because the venom dose was small, and continued to play with me for several more years.

** One time when I was about 7 years old, I came in from playing in the garden at my home to ask my mother for an empty glass jar, because I wanted to catch a bug. She gave me a jar and continued whatever it was she was doing. A minute later, she thought maybe she should go out and help me catch whatever bug it was that I'd found. She found me poking a stick at a large funnelweb spider, and holding the jar out to try to get it to crawl inside. Needless to say she grabbed me away faster than you can say "the antivenin hasn't been invented yet".

*** One time when I was... no just kidding. Never even seen a wild scorpion. I must remedy that some day.

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